3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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