ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
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If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
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Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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