Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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