Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
