I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
