It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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