I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
