3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Randomize
