I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
