Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
