3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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