and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
