well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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