Moan for me like Helen Keller
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
