I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
