I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
