first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
