He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize