I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
