Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
