It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
