that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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