Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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