If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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