My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
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