I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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