Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
