I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
