This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
