you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
