just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
