By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
How's work?
Spinning.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
