How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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