his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
