all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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