my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
