can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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