Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
