had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
