you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
