so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
