Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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