At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
