We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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