First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
