Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
