How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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