Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
