I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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