i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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