so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
