Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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