Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
