Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
