I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
