peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I look better un-naked...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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