All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
