using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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