You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
