i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
