Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
