Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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