i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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