his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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