So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
