Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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