When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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