yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
